23.12.09

Infectuously Cute Plush Microbes




Guess what your girlfriend's giving you for your birthday?

16.12.09

Booty Pop




Guess what you fuckers are getting for Christmas...

4.11.09

Bridal Betty Pubic Hair Dye




Something old, something new.Something borrowed, something that shows off the crazy-bitch-that-i-can't-believe-i-fucking-married-i-wonder-how-much-it's-going-to-cost-me-to-get-out-of-this-i-should-have-signed-a-pre-nup in you!

3.11.09

"HOT LINE" AUTO-DIAL desk phone




Comes pre-programmed to dial 1-800-273-TALK.

7.7.09

Little Tikes Lightning McQueen Twin Race Car Bed




Kid tested; Michael Jackson approved.





What? Too soon?

19.6.09

Super Fun French Fries Phone




For use when scheduling hasty abortions.

28.5.09

Cameron's Caduceus Shirt




"He'll keep calling me...he'll keep calling me until I come over.He'll make me feel guilty...This - oh! This is ridiculous! Ok, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go - What - I'll go.Shit."

11.4.09

Squirrel Underpants




Squirrels are degenerates hell-bent on contributing to the delinquency of our minors and destroying the sanctity of our neighborhoods.Learn more.

27.3.09

Twilight Umbrella Edward and Bella Meadow Scene




"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy [of] her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

26.3.09

20.3.09

7.3.09

6.3.09

Shot Carver




I always knew my post-frat years would ripen into a more cultivated form of alcoholism.

4.3.09

2 x Spike Your Juice Kits, "Value Pack"




Before, I was forced to park my car under the sun and leave my orange juice under my seat.The cop who pulled me over looked a lot like a pop-up timer.

3.3.09

The 14,450 Gumball Machine




Don't worry kid, I'm an ephebophiliac.

1.3.09

OVERQUALIFIED




“Dear Irving Oil, I am writing to apply for a job with your company, and I have included my resume for your review.You will find that every reference and each previous job will check out as valid, but I think that it’s important to be honest: my assigned mission is to take you down, from the inside.”

28.2.09

Gas! ring




Pull my finger.

27.2.09

BigShot Stainless Shot Glass




Where we seperate the men from the boys.

26.2.09

White Elephant Gift Exchange T-shirt




I went to a White Elephant party once.All I got was a lousy Cabin Boy DVD.

25.2.09

Squidlet Hairclips




Just don't wear these around your Navy boyfriend or land sharks.

24.2.09

Elephant Poo Paper Roses




Nothing says "I think we should start seeing other people and by 'we' i mean me and by 'other people' i mean that hot redhead who just moved into 2C" like a bouquet of recycled elephant shit.

Lucha Libre Mask




Fuck'em up son!

23.2.09

Switchblade Mustache Comb




"So everybody dress up sweet and sharp and meet Tony and me at ten. And walk tall!"

21.2.09

Oops! Disposable Panties




Great for those cougars still in denial.

20.2.09

I Heart Guts: Liver Plush




If you were my liver I'd soak you in Everclear 24/7.

19.2.09

Heart Shaped Red Novelty Shades




*Marilyn Manson sold seperately.

18.2.09

17.2.09

Nail Ring




Now when your girlfriend hooks off on that-skanky-ho-Shaniqua-from-down-the-block-and-who-does-she-think-she-is-eyeing-my-man-i'll-break-that-stupid-bitch's-face-off, you'll have to hold her earrings and her nails.

16.2.09

/dev/blanket




Imagine cuddling under this with Gilbert Lowell or Louis Skolnick? But not Booger - too greasy, too horny.

15.2.09

The Oral Sex Trainer




For meatheads who want that extra edge.

14.2.09

Hanging Fishbowl




Bleeding hearts rejoice! Now the fish doesn't have to be dead to hang on the wall!

13.2.09

Fundies!




Side effects include: laughter, awkward sex, and divorce; but not necessarily in that order.

12.2.09

The ToiTissue




Perfect for hiding anal lube, crusty socks and that amateur sex tape you found in your parent's bedroom.

11.2.09

Mo's Bacon Bar




I just threw up in my mouth a little, and it kinda tasted like ice cream so i think i'm gonna skip dessert and go home.

10.2.09

P-Mate!




12 Unspoken Rules for Urinal Etiquette

1. No Talking
2. Always leave a buffer urinal
3. Look straight Ahead!
4. Posture & Position Is Very Important
5. Don’t Waste Time
6. Never Make Direct Eye Contact
7. Making Sounds Is NEVER Acceptable
8. Everybody Farts, Nobody Acknowledges Farts
9. Flush It. Only If You’re Brave
10. Shake it, Don’t Spray It
11. No Cell-Phones Allowed!
12. Leave Your Beer Behind

with the notoriety of women and bathrooms, you can clearly see the problem here.

9.2.09

The Incredible Edible Anus




WARNiNG: May contain peanuts.

8.2.09

7.2.09

Sunglasses At Night Sleep Mask




For your weird roommate who insists on sleeping with his eyes open and totally freaking out the chick you're trying to bone.

6.2.09

CLUE




DiRECTiONS:
Step 1: Grow hair out until just past shoulders.
Step 2: Dye hair dirty blonde.
Step 3: Pull hair back into pony tail making sure to leave a few strands out in front.
Step 4: Hang out in Ivy League college bars.
Step 5: Try to embarass Ben Affleck when he hits on Minnie Driver and uncredited blonde friend.
Step 6: Tuck and cluck when Matt Damon steps up and destroys you with his Super Brain Death Ray.

5.2.09

Crusher CAPTCHA Shirt




According to J. Miller of H.U.M.A.N.S. so far only celebrities are robots, but their numbers are expected to climb since the introduction of YouTube, disposable digital cameras, Coachella bike generator cell phone chargers, and blogging websites.

4.2.09

Healthy Water Glasses





WARNiNG: Anorexics may find that water is not part of a well balanced no-carb diet.