Thing du Jour

Hizamakura Lap Pillow

2012-02-08T06:12:00.000-05:00

Cut off the head...

Boyfriend/Husband Pillow

2012-02-07T04:57:00.001-05:00

Anouther satisfied customer.

8-Bit Dynamic Life Shirt

2012-02-05T04:57:00.000-05:00

Also comes with trophy case so she can keep your testicles safely locked up while you go out in your matching outfits.

My Beating Heart

2012-02-04T04:57:00.000-05:00

"Once on, My Beating Heart can be turned off again by squeezing the label, or it will turn itself off after 20 minutes."

Wait...WHAT happens after twenty minutes???

CarLashes

2012-01-22T16:03:00.002-05:00

Who's the prettiest car in the garage? You are! Yes you are!

Clicker Universal Remote Bottle Opener

2012-01-21T07:52:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

THANK YOU

with love and lollipops,
your Evil-Lyn

Sküüzi®

2012-01-20T07:39:00.000-05:00

This is a much better idea than holding it between my toe socks.

The Flip Clock Time Talks

2012-01-17T01:04:00.002-05:00

Because I am just that lazy.

Bacon Candy Canes

2011-12-08T00:54:00.003-05:00

'Tis the season to be sizzlin'.

Kitty Wigs

2011-11-16T17:30:00.003-05:00

I'm into silver foxes.

Inflatable Toast Mattress

2011-11-11T00:34:00.001-05:00

"Breakfast in bed? No, breakfast IS the bed! Sleeping on this giant 6' by 7' Inflatable Toast Mattress is likely to make you dream that you are a pad of butter and that you are floating down a river of freshly brewed coffee. In reality, you should not use the Inflatable Toast Mattress as a flotation device nor should you expose it to excessive heat. This piece of toast is made of plastic, not bread, so if you wake up and smell burning toast, you are probably just having a stroke."

Stubble Collection - Rider

2011-10-29T10:14:00.003-04:00

It's like having machine guns on your face.

Censored! Black Bar Sunglasses

2011-10-20T00:16:00.001-04:00

Part of your "Joe Francis' Christmas" swag bag.

Stick Figure Note Set of 5 - Sup Female

2011-10-01T03:39:00.002-04:00

This is what I imagine I'll look like when I grow up.

Moon Monster Shirt

2011-09-29T12:41:00.003-04:00

I am a moon monster.

Fromm Works Inc. Extendable Hand Held Tripod

2010-04-10T11:45:00.003-04:00

For those professional [READ: drunk] Myspace angles.

Infectuously Cute Plush Microbes

2009-12-23T11:20:00.002-05:00

Guess what your girlfriend's giving you for your birthday?

Booty Pop

2009-12-16T14:14:00.001-05:00

Guess what you fuckers are getting for Christmas...

Bridal Betty Pubic Hair Dye

2009-11-04T04:52:00.003-05:00

Something old, something new.Something borrowed, something that shows off the crazy-bitch-that-i-can't-believe-i-fucking-married-i-wonder-how-much-it's-going-to-cost-me-to-get-out-of-this-i-should-have-signed-a-pre-nup in you!

"HOT LINE" AUTO-DIAL desk phone

2009-11-03T05:10:00.005-05:00

Comes pre-programmed to dial 1-800-273-TALK.

Little Tikes Lightning McQueen Twin Race Car Bed

2009-07-07T09:04:00.001-04:00

Kid tested; Michael Jackson approved.

What? Too soon?

Super Fun French Fries Phone

2009-06-19T06:27:00.000-04:00

For use when scheduling hasty abortions.

Cameron's Caduceus Shirt

2009-05-28T17:25:00.003-04:00

"He'll keep calling me...he'll keep calling me until I come over.He'll make me feel guilty...This - oh! This is ridiculous! Ok, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go - What - I'll go.Shit."

Squirrel Underpants

2009-04-11T18:20:00.004-04:00

Squirrels are degenerates hell-bent on contributing to the delinquency of our minors and destroying the sanctity of our neighborhoods.Learn more.

Twilight Umbrella Edward and Bella Meadow Scene

2009-03-27T21:23:00.004-04:00

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy [of] her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

Osidius Emphatic T-shirt

2009-03-26T16:39:00.000-04:00

You're full of shit, right?

The Go Plate

2009-03-20T05:02:00.001-04:00

Best.Invention.Ever.

Teraforma Whisky Stones

2009-03-07T04:08:00.002-05:00

And I mean ice!

Shot Carver

2009-03-06T04:08:00.003-05:00

I always knew my post-frat years would ripen into a more cultivated form of alcoholism.

Gama-Go Unicorn Corn Holders

2009-03-05T04:08:00.002-05:00

Untamable nature my ass!

2 x Spike Your Juice Kits, "Value Pack"

2009-03-04T03:27:00.000-05:00

Before, I was forced to park my car under the sun and leave my orange juice under my seat.The cop who pulled me over looked a lot like a pop-up timer.

The 14,450 Gumball Machine

2009-03-03T03:09:00.000-05:00

Don't worry kid, I'm an ephebophiliac.

Wooden Catapult and Trebuchet Kits

2009-03-02T03:06:00.000-05:00

And on that note; catapult.

OVERQUALIFIED

2009-03-01T02:46:00.000-05:00

“Dear Irving Oil, I am writing to apply for a job with your company, and I have included my resume for your review.You will find that every reference and each previous job will check out as valid, but I think that it’s important to be honest: my assigned mission is to take you down, from the inside.”

Gas! ring

2009-02-28T02:22:00.000-05:00

Pull my finger.

BigShot Stainless Shot Glass

2009-02-27T05:14:00.003-05:00

Where we seperate the men from the boys.

White Elephant Gift Exchange T-shirt

2009-02-26T17:28:00.004-05:00

I went to a White Elephant party once.All I got was a lousy Cabin Boy DVD.

Squidlet Hairclips

2009-02-25T17:53:00.000-05:00

Just don't wear these around your Navy boyfriend or land sharks.

Elephant Poo Paper Roses

2009-02-24T22:35:00.004-05:00

Nothing says "I think we should start seeing other people and by 'we' i mean me and by 'other people' i mean that hot redhead who just moved into 2C" like a bouquet of recycled elephant shit.

Lucha Libre Mask

2009-02-24T18:09:00.002-05:00

Fuck'em up son!

Switchblade Mustache Comb

2009-02-23T20:57:00.002-05:00

"So everybody dress up sweet and sharp and meet Tony and me at ten. And walk tall!"

Milkscreen: Home Test for Alcohol in Breast Milk

2009-02-22T13:31:00.002-05:00

You know, for party M.I.L.F.s.

Oops! Disposable Panties

2009-02-21T17:20:00.005-05:00

Great for those cougars still in denial.

I Heart Guts: Liver Plush

2009-02-20T17:15:00.002-05:00

If you were my liver I'd soak you in Everclear 24/7.

Heart Shaped Red Novelty Shades

2009-02-19T15:18:00.004-05:00

*Marilyn Manson sold seperately.

Latex Horse Mask

2009-02-18T21:31:00.003-05:00

Kind of reminds me of the time that i cooked up some wild mushrooms.

Nail Ring

2009-02-17T23:43:00.003-05:00

Now when your girlfriend hooks off on that-skanky-ho-Shaniqua-from-down-the-block-and-who-does-she-think-she-is-eyeing-my-man-i'll-break-that-stupid-bitch's-face-off, you'll have to hold her earrings and her nails.

/dev/blanket

2009-02-16T19:51:00.001-05:00

Imagine cuddling under this with Gilbert Lowell or Louis Skolnick? But not Booger - too greasy, too horny.

The Oral Sex Trainer

2009-02-15T16:34:00.002-05:00

For meatheads who want that extra edge.

Hanging Fishbowl

2009-02-14T16:31:00.004-05:00

Bleeding hearts rejoice! Now the fish doesn't have to be dead to hang on the wall!

Fundies!

2009-02-13T15:11:00.003-05:00

Side effects include: laughter, awkward sex, and divorce; but not necessarily in that order.

The ToiTissue

2009-02-12T14:11:00.007-05:00

Perfect for hiding anal lube, crusty socks and that amateur sex tape you found in your parent's bedroom.

Mo's Bacon Bar

2009-02-11T13:12:00.002-05:00

I just threw up in my mouth a little, and it kinda tasted like ice cream so i think i'm gonna skip dessert and go home.

P-Mate!

2009-02-10T06:57:00.004-05:00

12 Unspoken Rules for Urinal Etiquette

1. No Talking
2. Always leave a buffer urinal
3. Look straight Ahead!
4. Posture & Position Is Very Important
5. Don’t Waste Time
6. Never Make Direct Eye Contact
7. Making Sounds Is NEVER Acceptable
8. Everybody Farts, Nobody Acknowledges Farts
9. Flush It. Only If You’re Brave
10. Shake it, Don’t Spray It
11. No Cell-Phones Allowed!
12. Leave Your Beer Behind

with the notoriety of women and bathrooms, you can clearly see the problem here.

The Incredible Edible Anus

2009-02-09T03:20:00.004-05:00

WARNiNG: May contain peanuts.

The Zombie Survival Guide

2009-02-08T04:11:00.002-05:00

Organize Before They Rise

Sunglasses At Night Sleep Mask

2009-02-07T23:28:00.002-05:00

For your weird roommate who insists on sleeping with his eyes open and totally freaking out the chick you're trying to bone.

CLUE

2009-02-06T19:30:00.002-05:00

DiRECTiONS:
Step 1: Grow hair out until just past shoulders.
Step 2: Dye hair dirty blonde.
Step 3: Pull hair back into pony tail making sure to leave a few strands out in front.
Step 4: Hang out in Ivy League college bars.
Step 5: Try to embarass Ben Affleck when he hits on Minnie Driver and uncredited blonde friend.
Step 6: Tuck and cluck when Matt Damon steps up and destroys you with his Super Brain Death Ray.

Crusher CAPTCHA Shirt

2009-02-05T18:37:00.005-05:00

According to J. Miller of H.U.M.A.N.S. so far only celebrities are robots, but their numbers are expected to climb since the introduction of YouTube, disposable digital cameras, Coachella bike generator cell phone chargers, and blogging websites.

Healthy Water Glasses

2009-02-04T21:28:00.003-05:00

WARNiNG: Anorexics may find that water is not part of a well balanced no-carb diet.