Twilight Umbrella Edward and Bella Meadow Scene

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy [of] her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

Osidius Emphatic T-shirt

You're full of shit, right?

The Go Plate

Best.Invention.Ever.

Teraforma Whisky Stones

And I mean ice!

Shot Carver

I always knew my post-frat years would ripen into a more cultivated form of alcoholism.

Gama-Go Unicorn Corn Holders

Untamable nature my ass!

2 x Spike Your Juice Kits, "Value Pack"

Before, I was forced to park my car under the sun and leave my orange juice under my seat.The cop who pulled me over looked a lot like a pop-up timer.

The 14,450 Gumball Machine

Don't worry kid, I'm an ephebophiliac.

Wooden Catapult and Trebuchet Kits

And on that note; catapult.

OVERQUALIFIED

“Dear Irving Oil, I am writing to apply for a job with your company, and I have included my resume for your review.You will find that every reference and each previous job will check out as valid, but I think that it’s important to be honest: my assigned mission is to take you down, from the inside.”