Infectuously Cute Plush Microbes

Guess what your girlfriend's giving you for your birthday?

Booty Pop

Guess what you fuckers are getting for Christmas...

Bridal Betty Pubic Hair Dye

Something old, something new.Something borrowed, something that shows off the crazy-bitch-that-i-can't-believe-i-fucking-married-i-wonder-how-much-it's-going-to-cost-me-to-get-out-of-this-i-should-have-signed-a-pre-nup in you!

"HOT LINE" AUTO-DIAL desk phone

Comes pre-programmed to dial 1-800-273-TALK.

Little Tikes Lightning McQueen Twin Race Car Bed

Kid tested; Michael Jackson approved.





What? Too soon?

Super Fun French Fries Phone

For use when scheduling hasty abortions.

Cameron's Caduceus Shirt

"He'll keep calling me...he'll keep calling me until I come over.He'll make me feel guilty...This - oh! This is ridiculous! Ok, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go - What - I'll go.Shit."

Squirrel Underpants

Squirrels are degenerates hell-bent on contributing to the delinquency of our minors and destroying the sanctity of our neighborhoods.Learn more.

Twilight Umbrella Edward and Bella Meadow Scene

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy [of] her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

Osidius Emphatic T-shirt

You're full of shit, right?

The Go Plate

Best.Invention.Ever.

Teraforma Whisky Stones

And I mean ice!

Shot Carver

I always knew my post-frat years would ripen into a more cultivated form of alcoholism.

Gama-Go Unicorn Corn Holders

Untamable nature my ass!

2 x Spike Your Juice Kits, "Value Pack"

Before, I was forced to park my car under the sun and leave my orange juice under my seat.The cop who pulled me over looked a lot like a pop-up timer.

The 14,450 Gumball Machine

Don't worry kid, I'm an ephebophiliac.

Wooden Catapult and Trebuchet Kits

And on that note; catapult.

OVERQUALIFIED

“Dear Irving Oil, I am writing to apply for a job with your company, and I have included my resume for your review.You will find that every reference and each previous job will check out as valid, but I think that it’s important to be honest: my assigned mission is to take you down, from the inside.”

Gas! ring

Pull my finger.

BigShot Stainless Shot Glass

Where we seperate the men from the boys.