Kitty Wigs

I'm into silver foxes.

Inflatable Toast Mattress

"Breakfast in bed? No, breakfast IS the bed! Sleeping on this giant 6' by 7' Inflatable Toast Mattress is likely to make you dream that you are a pad of butter and that you are floating down a river of freshly brewed coffee. In reality, you should not use the Inflatable Toast Mattress as a flotation device nor should you expose it to excessive heat. This piece of toast is made of plastic, not bread, so if you wake up and smell burning toast, you are probably just having a stroke."

Stubble Collection - Rider

It's like having machine guns on your face.

Censored! Black Bar Sunglasses

Part of your "Joe Francis' Christmas" swag bag.

Stick Figure Note Set of 5 - Sup Female

This is what I imagine I'll look like when I grow up.

Moon Monster Shirt

I am a moon monster.

Fromm Works Inc. Extendable Hand Held Tripod

For those professional [READ: drunk] Myspace angles.

Infectuously Cute Plush Microbes

Guess what your girlfriend's giving you for your birthday?

Booty Pop

Guess what you fuckers are getting for Christmas...

Bridal Betty Pubic Hair Dye

Something old, something new.Something borrowed, something that shows off the crazy-bitch-that-i-can't-believe-i-fucking-married-i-wonder-how-much-it's-going-to-cost-me-to-get-out-of-this-i-should-have-signed-a-pre-nup in you!

"HOT LINE" AUTO-DIAL desk phone

Comes pre-programmed to dial 1-800-273-TALK.

Little Tikes Lightning McQueen Twin Race Car Bed

Kid tested; Michael Jackson approved.





What? Too soon?

Super Fun French Fries Phone

For use when scheduling hasty abortions.

Cameron's Caduceus Shirt

"He'll keep calling me...he'll keep calling me until I come over.He'll make me feel guilty...This - oh! This is ridiculous! Ok, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go - What - I'll go.Shit."

Squirrel Underpants

Squirrels are degenerates hell-bent on contributing to the delinquency of our minors and destroying the sanctity of our neighborhoods.Learn more.

Twilight Umbrella Edward and Bella Meadow Scene

"Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy [of] her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML"

Osidius Emphatic T-shirt

You're full of shit, right?

The Go Plate

Best.Invention.Ever.

Teraforma Whisky Stones

And I mean ice!

Shot Carver

I always knew my post-frat years would ripen into a more cultivated form of alcoholism.